Aug 13, 2014

Things you should never say to a Stay-At-Home Mom

Look, I'm not trying to start a Stay-at-Home Mom (SAHM) vs. Working Mom war.  Some Moms work when they'd rather be at home, some Moms are at home and wish they could be working.  Some do a mixture of the two.  There are positives and negatives to both, of that I am certain. But since I am and have been for the last 13+ months a SAHM with Ryan, albeit by choice (both mine and Josh's), I feel like I am allowed to vent about some of the ridiculous comments people occasionally make.

There are unwritten rules in regards to pregnancy (though apparently some people have never heard of them or choose to disregard them altogether).  You know, things like, don't ask a women if she's pregnant. Ever. No matter how pregnant she may look.
Don't say things like "Wow, you look ready to POP! You should have delivered like yesterday." Because that pregnant Mama may be months away from delivery and now you've made her feel huge.

Don't ask the parents if it was planned.

Don't give your unsolicited opinions on child birth or parenting styles.

Do I plan to breastfeed?  Honestly, it's none of your business!

Most of us know these rules.

But I think the same kind of rules should apply to those of us Moms who stay at home.  ESPECIALLY if you 1. Don't have any children.  2.  Are a mother and have never stayed at home with your child for an extended period of time (come on Moms we gotta stick together here)  3. Are a Dad that works and think us wives of yours have it so easy.

Here are some of my biggest pet peeves in regards to being a SAHM and yes, people have said these things to me or friends of mine who also stay home with their kids.

  • So what exactly do you do all day?  Um, where do I even start?   I made my child breakfast, which she proceeded to mash in her hair, her clothes and smear on the wall.  Oh and don't forget throw on the floor.  Don't worry it was oatmeal and raspberries, not messy at all.   So meal time was then followed by cleanup, the walls, the floor, the chair, and her.  And there's 3+ meals a day.  I cleaned my bedroom and while I was doing that my child unrolled the entire roll of toilet paper in the bathroom and tore it into 1047893784 tiny shreds.  I pick up an ungodly amount of toys per day.  Deal with temper tantrums because I won't let her walk all the way to the car by herself because we are running late to an appointment.  Take five minute showers in which she screams the whole time because she suddenly has separation anxiety even though she can see me through the shower curtain. I change diapers, bathe her, do laundry (and attempt to get those raspberry stains out), pay bills, grocery shop, cook dinner, clean the house, and keep a 13 month old alive every day.  Can I ask,  what is it that YOU do all day?
  • It must be nice to sit around and watch movies every day.  See above response.  And follow that up with, sure if you like watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Frozen on repeat and the only conversation you have all day is with your one year old who's only word is "bye."
  • Don't you feel guilty for not helping to contribute to your family finances?  Well, first of all I do attempt to contribute by running an Etsy business.  It doesn't bring in much money but it does bring in a little extra, which helps.  And while I don't really contribute to this family financially,  I'm pretty sure my job of raising our daughter is a fairly large contribution.  Does it put a financial strain on our family to have me not working?  Of course, but it was a decision that Josh and I made together and believe it to be the best choice for us.
  • But you hang out with other Mom friends a lot?  So you get to have a social hour daily.  Ok, yes, I see my other Mom friends with their babies every couple days.  And during that time, I kid you not, I am trying to have a conversation about my daughter's weird poop from this morning and why she is suddenly waking up every 2 hours at night all while trying to keep her from sitting on so and so's 3 month old, playing with electrical sockets, and falling down stairs.  It's SUPER relaxing.  Oh and it only lasts about a maximum of 2-3 hours because then we are pushing nap time and God knows I need that thirty minute break.  So of the 14 or so hours of Ryan being awake, I have contact with other adults maybe 2 hours every other day. :)
Look, I don't want you to think that my life is horrible. I love it.  Some days are harder than others  but I wouldn't want to have it any other way and I am so thankful that financially we can swing it so that I can be at home with her all day every day.  Life may not always allow that for us.  But I do think it's important for people to know that being a SAHM is not just movie watching and eating bon bon's.   It's more like watching Doc McStuffin's and cleaning up Puffs from my carpet. 

And on that note, I'll sign off to go put my child down for a nap and get some laundry folded and maybe the dishwasher unloaded before my 30 minutes of freedom are up!


  1. I 1000% respect and agree with everything you wrote! I work at a job outside the home and don't stay with my 13 month old anymore, but there was a period when I did. And It was HARD. No one can really understand how exhausting it is to be needed ALL THE TIME unless they live it. Gratifying and important work, absolutely - but most certainly not easy! And for you it must be even harder, given your husband's long and exhausting hours.
    Anyway, great post and keep up the good work, mama! Your little girl is precious!

    1. Thank you! It's definitely a tough job but like you said, gratifying to say the least. Thanks for reading!!