Transitions

You'd think I'd be a pro at them by now.

Let me let you in on a little secret...I'm really not. 

But I'm pretty good at hiding it to everyone except my husband.  Poor guy has had to deal with an emotional wreck lately.  I'm sure most of you are familiar with the ugly cry.  You know, the one where your face is all wrinkled up and there is snot dripping from your nose and you can't really understand a word the person is saying because they are about to hyperventilate.   Yeah, if there were an ugly cry award I would win.  Hands. Down.

I've moved to the UK, to the island of Grenada, and back to California in the last two years and for some reason, this transition of being back in America is equally as hard if not harder than it was when I moved to Europe.  I'm not even kidding. 

I'm crazy...seriously.

When Josh and I moved to Newcastle in 2010, I kept saying to myself only two years until we are back in the states.  The move to England wasn't easy.  I missed my family and friends, my car, American food, the sun, my husband and it took at least 4 or 5 months until I felt like I could call it "home."  Maybe it took until Julie moved there.  Ya, I'm pretty sure that was a big part of it.

Then we moved to Grenada and that transition was EASY compared to Newcastle.  We had already made friends (that felt like family), we had Toby, American food was abundant albeit overpriced, I was living in the land of sunshine, my husband was still MIA, but I also found LIMES and in that found my purpose in life on the rock.

And before I had time to blink an eye, the two years abroad were over. 

We've been living back in CA for four months and I am STILL trying to transition back to "normal" life.  This should have been the easy part!  I'm finding ways to fill my time by working at home, blogging, and taking care of my husband and dog but it's been hard.  Harder than I ever expected it to be.  There were nights early on in England when I cried for no reason other than the fact that I missed home and now, I'm back in California and I cry because I miss Grenada.  I can look at a picture, read a status on facebook, or watch a video of Kyla and tears stream down my face.  I'm jealous.  I'm so very jealous of the people who are still on the island, loving on those kids.  And I'm angry.  Angry at the people who are there and aren't loving on them because I wish so bad that I could be.  What is wrong with me!?!? 

I never could have predicted this two years ago.

I've talked to a few girls new to Grenada who are struggling with the transition to the island.  I want those people to know that it's a struggle for most people to deal with transitions. Whether it's moving to an island, starting a new job, ending a relationship, or moving back to your home state, change is just plain tough.  And I've told them it just takes time.  Time to adjust to new surroundings.  Time to make new friends.  Time to find new hobbies.  Time to develop new routines.  Just...time.  And here's the kicker, there's no time limit on time and there's no way to speed it up. Which really sucks by the way.

So I need to follow my own advice.  

Life must move on, move forward.  Change is the only constant and there's no way to run from it.  Especially not while on this medical school journey.  I have to figure out a way to embrace these transitions so that I can be thankful for the experiences I've had and look forward to the experiences that have yet to happen.